Ahhh, politics: the deadly sport where a country is divided into two teams and bystanders unwittingly root for their favorite scumbags.

There are two teams: Red and Blue. “Which one should I root for?” you may be asking.

Well, if you’re not an idiot you probably already know the answer. However, if you are a person experiencing any of the following symptoms, you might find yourself voting for the Blue Team.

1. Low IQ Despite the higher college graduate rate (CGR) of the Blue Team, their IQ tends to be drastically lower, and their performance reality points (PRP) ends up being lower, often leading to a warped perception of the world. Their low PRP allows them to confuse red Team members, often tricking them into joining the Blue Team. This technique is called 1 + 1 = 3.
2. Have a penis but you also have enormous tits The tittie-penis combo is a sight to behold and one of Team Blue’s most destructive offensive weapons.
3. Love feeling sorry for yourself and blame others for your problems Chances are you’ve felt sorry for yourself but fear not. As long as you don’t enjoy feeling sorry for yourself, you’re likely on Team Red. Team Blue’s ability to love hating themselves leads to a dramatic increase in depression points (DP) and they often encourage minority groups to realize they are helpless victims and allow them to understand there is nothing they can do about it whatsoever no matter how hard they try they will be constantly oppressed and experience institutional racism from everything, except of course if they commit crime.
4. You’re an evil politician The most exclusive group of the bunch. This group consists of wealthy, rule-making and rule-breaking, money laundering, sex cult belonging, pedophilia loving, crack using, pussies.